Stuff I’ve listening to the last 7 days. Not included: the guy two desks from mine, who was listening to Tito Puentes with some *really* powerful headphones.

I’ve made my mission in life to listen to as many one-hit-wonders albums I can remember.

So far it’s been a terrible choice. (oh god the Duncan Sheik album is so shitty)

It might be the 12 hours of sleep or reading something that makes you go all giddy inside.

I guess I’ll play.

Except for sex, whips, bites, ravioli, grilled meat, unexpected gifts, a sudden appareance of copies of Diablo III, Bioshock Infinite, The Dark Knight Rises, and a brand new video card on my desk, enough cigarretes to last me until tuesday, and four Wastelands, there is nothing else that can make me happy now.

• There is a dead beatle in my bed (presumably, I slept with it).
• There is a huge dead moth in the treshold of my room. (Well it is dead now. It was agonizing and whrited everytime i passed by. It was freaky.)
• There was a dead fly in my coffee. (Seriously)

Today is likely going to suck.

But for some reason I just saw Christina Ricci’s bare breasts.

What is up with that, Internet?

Because I want to make a wordpress blog.

Hey, it might land me a better job.

… why the fuck you need to know so much stuff.

Shut up and take my money already, I want to be part of your vicious circle of credit slavery.

Tumblr has changed me.

Rammstein - Bestrafe Mich (live)

I just watched one of those motivational videos from this really buff dude. 

I’ve been struggling with my life lately - as I have bassically always, because that’s life - , and while a psychologist has been helping me uncover the roots of the problem, it’s pretty damn obvious that my lack of motivation is the first and biggest problem I’ve faced in my life. I’ve been subjected my entire lifetime to an endless wave of “you’re smart”, “you’re resourceful”, “you’re handsome”, “you’re modest”, “you’re likeable”, “you’re equipped for success”, yet obviously I haven’t been as successful as I have wanted. Perhaps if they hadn’t filled my head with flattering comments I would have worked harder.

Succes doesn’t come easy. It’s a long road of dissapointments and problems that need solving, until an opportunity - which always comes, no one nowadays really “works his or her way up” - comes along and you grab on to it and never let go until a bigger one comes.

I must have a bigger number of filed projects than the Vatican has sticks up its collective ass. I always begin some of them, then find myself drowning in either obligations or “something else”, and forget about them because fuck you I don’t care, and run Heroes of Newerth and spend hours arguing with some probably twelve year old kids who have no idea I’m venting out my frustration watching small figures die.

And today I say: it ends now. Now I’m gonna start on these projects, now I’m gonna forget about that frustration, now I’m gonna channel that energy into something that will make me proud, even if it’s a crashing failure, but I’m pretty goddamn sick of failing without even starting.

People get deppressed at my age because they haven’t married, haven’t had kids, have no couple, have a dead-end job, have not moved out of their parents’ basement or whatever. Me too, but what deppresses me the most is the lack of drive I’ve felt for the past few years. I can’t let the people around me drag me down to the shit I didn’t crap. I can’t keep going directionless, because I have hundreds of ideas, but not a single plan. Of course, the real problem is that I want to save the world instead of, say, buying a car.

Perhaps a short term goal might be in order to stop wallowing in self pity and coming down to a real new beggining. Because fuck everything else.

So I went to buy cigarretes and the guy told me I needed a haircut. I told him to fuck off because I was planning to buy a boat, become a viking, and rape and plunder small villages. People stared.

Something tells me the shrink was right and I need to tone down the irony and sarcasm.